Thoughts and Musings. Perhaps.

Sometimes in order to move forward in your life, you have to let go of the things you love. If you’ve made it this far just note this is not at all about a girl and I’m not being emo. So relax.

So its now roughly the middle of February and I think I’ve learned more life lessons in the past month and a half of 2011 than I have the past few years combined. I don’t know if this is what happens when you get old or if I’ve just suddenly found myself becoming more mature with the changes in my life. Either way its kinda bittersweet.

I used to think that having a routine was overrated. Living life was all about seizing the moment and learning it all as you go. And while Brain Age, courtesy of my friendly neighborhood Nintendo DS, tells me that changes in your routine are good for brain function I think having some routine is definitely a good thing. Right now i have to admit my routine is a little crazy but even so its made me more disciplined. Personally I’ve found it helps me to stay focused on what I need to do and as a result helps to appreciate the little free time I do have. 

So getting back to the beginning of this post about letting go. Gone are the care free days of my youth and now I’m ALMOST sort of a real “adult” with responsibilities. Gross. As much as I used to tell myself I wouldn’t let work control my life, sadly it has become what I have to maneuver around to “live life”. I’ve begun to wonder how it is parents do it. I mean presumably you work all day and then come home and tend to the needs of your family. It sounds ridiculously hard from where I’m standing (sitting actually). By the time I get done with work I just want to come home and unwind before passing out. And while there are some jobs that maybe aren’t as physically strenuous as my own, work is work. And it makes you tired. Maybe there’s a secret fairy of awesomeness that parents aren’t allowed to talk about that comes and gives you super powers once you have kids. You never know.

I used to say I wanted to get married by 24 but seeing as I’m now 23, still living at home and with no idea of who my future spouse might be I think I’m willing to give up on that. 

All this talk about marriage and kids. Man I am getting old. 

Oh also, to all my friends and anyone who cares I’m sorry that I am and won’t be as open to hanging out due to my crazy work schedule. I’m sorry that I have to sacrifice my time with you to give my contribution to society and be a responsible individual (adult still sounds like a dirty word I don’t want to call myself yet). Trust me I don’t wanna be.

But despite all that I feel I’ve given up this year I feel like its been pretty great so far. God has truly been good to me. Maybe some things are meant to given up, even though it might seem impossibly hard, so that we can grow. I’m still not giving up bingeing on sugary treats. Maybe once I’m at serious risk of diabetes. Maybe.

I think the most important thing I’ve realized is that everything will happen when it’s supposed to. Whether it means you have to wait for something or if you’re given a challenge you think you’re not ready for. Whatever the case is just think of it all as a means of learning something and you can’t possibly be disappointed. So on that note I hope you all have an excellent Monday (or whatever day it is you happen to read this).

So I’m finally back home after 6 long months and man does it feel good. But, rather than use this time (or internet space rather) to discuss the events of my last 6 months during which I neglected my tumblr completely, I want to talk about something somewhat related.

So just to give a brief synopsis for those of you who care, the last 6 months I was at Disneyworld being a slave to the mouse who shall not be named. It was good and bad. Working in a busy restaurant and seeing some cool stuff = good. Living with 5 other dudes in a 3 bedroom/2 bath apt and getting robbed (not literally) while doing so = bad. OK moving on.

Since I was bored and because someone at church mentioned they had seen my junior year yearbook I decided to crack open the 2005 edition of the Bellaire High School Carillon. Honestly I didn’t even bother to look at the pictures or strum through the pages since I believe I have all the important memories in my head.  Instead I decided to just go straight for the stuff people wrote to me back in ‘05.

Of course there are the usual entries, “good luck at college”, “its been fun getting to know you” but then there are the ones that you read and remember what it was like to be young again.

I hadn’t realized that I had truly forgotten so much about high school. All the different classes I had with people, all the various shenanigans and mini-journeys made before anyone had a car and of course all the great friendships. There were lots of words of encouragement and generally lots of very fond memories. Its been over 5 years since I graduated and sad to say I haven’t really kept in touch with too many people. Of course it was really fun to see some of the things people wrote and the overwhelming consensus from the girls who wrote in my yearbook was that I was a bully. I didn’t remember being a bully but I guess it just validates the fact that high school boys are idiots. Maybe that doesn’t ever change.

I’ve met some amazing people in my lifetime and to all of you I just want to say thank you. You’ve made my life up to this point a truly exhilarating ride and you have all impacted my life.

I have to extend a special thank you to Rachel Shen. Even though we all made fun of you for it, your yearbook entry (complete with pictures) was probably the most fun to read. Also, considering that you taped it up as a time capsuled message to be opened in 5 years (this very year in fact!) I gotta give you bonus points for that.

For those of you who didn’t already know, I really don’t like taking pictures. I don’t know what it is but I just don’t like to take them. Maybe its because I feel awkward smiling on command. Who knows. But the point of pictures are to remember times and people. If you’ve actually made it this far down this entry and I haven’t talked to you in a while please feel free to drop a line. I’d love to hear from you. Also, maybe its time for me to change my stance on taking pictures.

So for those of you who didn’t already know, I am currently in Orlando, FL working for a rodent who attempts to bring magic to the lives of children and adults alike.  Also, this is kind of weird since I’ve neglected my tumblr for a while now. but anywhoo.

Let me start by saying this. I miss Texas. So dearly. This might have something to do with the weather being ridiculously gross here combined with the fact that I haven’t seen a Whataburger within reasonable driving distance. At least I managed to get a honey bbq chicken strip sandwich a few times before I left.

But seriously, I miss home and all the familiarity that comes with it. I feel like such a wuss because I already went to school and lived away from home before but I never left Texas so I guess a part of me still felt like I was at home. I’m just surprised because I just didn’t imagine that I would feel like this.

On a plus note, I do love my job. Its hard work and some super early mornings (5 or 6am) They don’t pay me enough and they’re robbing me with this ridiculous living situation they have us in (6 guys in a 3 bedroom apartment with 2 bathrooms). I’m slowly losing bits and pieces of my sanity but I’m hoping I had some to spare from before but I guess its all worth it and at the very least an interesting chapter to the story of my life.

Also, I am in desperate need of a shower right now. Eugh.

Is it just me or does anyone else ever feel like they’re hearing police sirens when certain songs are playing in the car? Or am I just that paranoid of getting pulled over? Who knows.

Also, I really need to be more careful. I’ve managed to make like 4 separate cuts on my hands and now I have to wear gloves just to work. So weak.

So I just found out there is now a tumblr app for those of us using a blackberry. I am psyched. On a side note my sister is getting his wisdom teeth pulled out. Poor kid. And so begin the chipmunk/squirrel cheek jokes…I kid. I’m not thaaat mean. Sometimes.

For those of you who’ve read Crazy Love by Francis Chan, you’ve alreayd heard this story but I happened to come across this essay from Brooke Bronkowski titled Since I Have My Life Before Me and just thought I’d share.

Since I Have My Life Before Me

I’ll live my life to the fullest. I’ll be happy. I’ll brighten up. I will be more joyful than I have ever been. I will be kind to other. I will loosen up. I will tell others about Christ. I will go on adventures and change the world. I will be bold and not change who I really am. I will have to troubles but instead help others with their troubles.

You see, I’ll be one of those people who live to be history makers at a young age. Oh, I’ll have moments, good and bad, but I will wipe away the bad and only remember the good. In face that’s all I remember, just good moments, nothing in between, just living my life to the fullest. I’ll be one of those people who go somewhere with a mission, an awesome plan, a world-changing plan, and nothing will hold me back. I’ll set an example for others, I will pray for direction.

I have my life before me. I will give others the joy I have and God will give me more joy. I will do everything God tells me to do. I will follow the footsteps of God. I will do my best!!!

When Brooke wrote this she was 12 years old. 2 years later her life would be taken in a car accident but through her life and testimony she brought hundreds to know the love of Christ. Even at 12 this girl understood ther was more to life than just herself. She knew there is a God who gives unceasingly and provides never ending joy if we seek it from Him alone. Recently I’ve forgotten this in a bad way. I let the pressure of life get to me and I just started feeling bad for myself. Rather than realizing just how blessed I really am, I was just so busy thinking of myself that I forgot to remember God and all the joy and amazing blessings I have received in my life. I just wish I didn’t have to fall every time in order to get back up. With spring break coming up, hopefully I can use the time to get my heart in the right place.

On a side note I am pretty psyched to be able to go home to Houston next week even if it is just going to be a for a few days. Hopefully I’ll be able to see some people, get some rest and take care of some school business. Also, thanks again to Matt Pa for offering to bring me HOP. We will definitely have to grab some next week.

Its been a long two weeks and I’m starting to feel my patience with my own shortcomings wearing down which in turn is making me lose patience with everyone else. So to everyone I’ve lashed out at, I apologize.

Do you ever feel that you can be disconnected from the world but at the same time feel like its just swallowing you up? It doesn’t seem like it’d make sense but I’ve been feeling something along those lines recently. Maybe its just because school is coming to an end soon and I need to really get serious about the next step.  Maybe I just need a break from everything. Who knows. Hopefully spring break will remedy all this. If you’ve read this far, sorry for being such a debbie (or whatever the male version is) downer.

So this morning I woke up at 5:45 and thought, “I can sleep for 3 more minutes”. Next thing I know I wake up again and its 7…So for those of you who don’t know, I have class at 6:30 and so I was totally bummed out and just went back to bed.  So when I wake up again around 9?-ish I’m pretty upset with myself and commence with the usual groaning and moaning that comes with missing class, but then I decide to open the blinds and the sun just comes shining in. So beautiful.

So considering I have nothing else to do I decide to start playing some guitar and look up the chords for some music and I happen to come across You’re Beautiful from Phil Wickam.  The first verse goes something like this:

I see your face in every sunrise

The colors of the morning are inside your eyes

The world awakens in the light of the day

I look up to the sky and say, You’re beautiful.

It just got me thinking that maybe today was one of those days that I just needed to see the sun come out shining in my face. I’m not suggesting that I should just skip class every once in a while to watch the sun come out but I’ve been wearing down a bit the past few days. Its just amazing how God always manages to throw me a little pick me up when I need it.